I can’t take criticism well at all. I need to work on that.
But also, I get that you want what is best for me, but it makes it even harder to deal with you when you are constantly criticizing everything I do. You make me not like me.
I just cannot be myself in social situations. And if I am, I always feel like I’m doing something wrong. I have had the biggest infatuation with you for like a LONG TIME NOW, and now that I’ve actually had the opportunity, actually many, to try to get to know you, failing each time, I’ve come to the last straw. I hate that I’m insecure and that I don’t think I’m good enough. It’s time for a change. I need to stop giving a damn as to how others perceive me and start being more confident and motivated. Meaning, I will NOT care when someone says that I can’t; if I feel that I’m deserving and that I can do it, fuck you, I’m going to do it. If you think I’m “fat” then fuck you as well. If you don’t think that I’m smart, really, screw you, I’ve worked just as hard to get where you are.
I’m just tired of being unintentionally controlled. I want to be free. And most of all, I just want to be me.
I don’t want to be forgotten or alone any longer. I need to start seizing opportunities. How? I’m going to start small. If I see him sitting down somewhere, alone again, I’m going to march right up and talk to him. Maybe, even sit down. This may sound stupid to many of you, but really, it’s time I took control of my life and STOP THINKING for just once.
I’m getting really worried. I’ve applied for two jobs that I was really hoping to get at least one, but I’ve been declined them both. And the fact that I am in a co-op program and everything and in which interview qualities are key, I’m worried I won’t find a job next time. And I’ll obviously really need one. It’s just so stressful. Gah. I really need to improve my communication skills. I really do.
This just makes me sad. It’s like, I’m not good enough.
Time to get over it. He doesn’t like you like that. He was just being nice to you cause it was your birthday. Move on. and keep your focus on what is important. Remember, if a guy wants you, he will make an effort. no matter what.
Note to self.
LIFE’S GETTING STRESSFUL
But tomorrow is my birthday, so I’m going to worry later.
If only I can convince my brain that.