I just cannot be myself in social situations. And if I am, I always feel like I’m doing something wrong. I have had the biggest infatuation with you for like a LONG TIME NOW, and now that I’ve actually had the opportunity, actually many, to try to get to know you, failing each time, I’ve come to the last straw. I hate that I’m insecure and that I don’t think I’m good enough. It’s time for a change. I need to stop giving a damn as to how others perceive me and start being more confident and motivated. Meaning, I will NOT care when someone says that I can’t; if I feel that I’m deserving and that I can do it, fuck you, I’m going to do it. If you think I’m “fat” then fuck you as well. If you don’t think that I’m smart, really, screw you, I’ve worked just as hard to get where you are. 

I’m just tired of being unintentionally controlled. I want to be free. And most of all, I just want to be me. 

I don’t want to be forgotten or alone any longer. I need to start seizing opportunities. How? I’m going to start small. If I see him sitting down somewhere, alone again, I’m going to march right up and talk to him. Maybe, even sit down. This may sound stupid to many of you, but really, it’s time I took control of my life and STOP THINKING for just once.